the lay of the land

One fire has been put out. The easy one, the flammable one, the one who I actually really liked, he's pulled himself out of my scope, of course in the most polite and well mannered way possible. It is all well and good that nothing really got started between us and no one's feelings were hurt. I am largely disappointed, but I think it is for the best. The good news is that we will still remain on friendly terms. His company is boisterous and engaging, which delights me very much.

As for the other one, things have been lagging a bit. I think primarily it's a matter of both of us being busy and perhaps secondarily, neither of us are certain that there is anything to do about the other. Of course I can't speak for him, but I do know he's neglected to respond to me in kind, and it's quite possible I overwhelmed him into silence. Thankfully, I have been remarkably unhurried about him, and I don't feel any sense of despair.

I think what I learned from the disaster that was eric (and subsequently, any guy I've ever really liked) is that no matter what the circumstances or coincidences or my feelings on the matter, attempting to force a person who isn't ready willing and able into a relationship doesn't work. And realizing that has given me a sense of freedom I've never had before in this area. In fact, I can't even say for sure that I fall into the able to deal with a relationship category or that I'm ready to deal rigors of dating right now.

And yet, I realize that it is time to start the process, because this is a part of my life that is important to me and always has been. Why else would I moon so heavily about each potential whisper of a relationship if I was not hopelessly optimistic and desperately romantic?

I'm noticing this time around that my criteria is still the map I use to determine my next steps and that I'm a lot more realistic about whether or not there is a genuine connection. Even in the case of the easy fire, I could see that things between us might not go very well, but I was willing to negotiate because of his excellent personality and our obvious enjoyment of each other's company. The truth is, his aimless existence troubled me, his excessive drinking and partying was worrisome and our schedules were nearly impossible to line up.

As if that wasn't enough, a couple months ago I joined an online dating service with nary a date to speak of til now. We're due to meet tomorrow. I don't quite know what he looks like and I can't quite tell what sort of personality he's got. We seem to be good at the emailing, but that doesn't always translate into real life. The one thing I do know is that he's excited about me, which is a good start. I don't even want to go through the speculation process. As my friend Annie said to me today, we'll both know the minute we see each other if it's a yes or no. So I'll let that moment speak for itself when it comes.

And so that is what has been occupying my mind for the last week or so, along with the endless parade of work, stories, dishes to wash, laundry to do, etc.