I look up at the calendar and August is nearly gone. I know I have had days that were chock full, either of work or fun, and I look around the table and their smiling faces bring a smile to my face. It has been a long time since I was able to just succumb to pleasure, to have it waiting and at the ready for me, and to have it be an offering I wanted to partake of, to share, to have.
I worry though, that my fun is taking over, that there's no time for me, that my writing is suffering (I haven't met with my partners in over two months), that I am losing myself in pleasure.
So for the first time in a while, rather than worry that my absences here mean I am spiralling down into darkness, it is a sign that I have been happily soaking up the joy around me.
I miss this, and the thoughts that get emptied out, but one of the benefits of spending time solely with people who bring joy is I have nothing to ruminate over and no puzzlements to work out. And, when those moments do occur (seeing him in the street, getting a text from noel, finding pictures of him with her) they weigh nothing against that joy.
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