he loves me, he loves me not, I want to not care, I want to forget, I want to pretend that he doesn't exist, but he's always around and lately, he's been hovering, pulled in, even in the presence of others, my eyes are the eyes he meets, the eyes he's smiling at, the eyes he wants to see staring back at him.
I want to not be there, not be staring, but I can't help it, he's hard to ignore, even if his eyes weren't seeking out mine, his laugh, a big huge boisterous thing that can be heard everywhere, completely undoes me, I can't even have a conversation with anyone, because I want to see who it is that is delighting him. It is never me. When we talk, he is a nervous, twitchy mess, trying so hard to figure out what I might be thinking or maybe trying to convince me he's really cooler than he thinks he is. I don't know, I want not to care.
I know when he leaves it will all be all right and a year from now I will laugh about this whole thing and it's sweeping ridiculous hold on me.
because of his ineptitude, he won't be leaving soon as promised, and now the resolve I had is fading and the only solution is his quick departure. There is enough knowledge of his character for me to stay away, but in the moment, when he shines, when he is magnetic and wonderful, I find it hard to resist.
So maybe I will have to leave, to find excuses not to go there, to avoid him as long as necessary, because really the distance is what makes it all palatable, and when we are in close proximity to each other, it is obvious and sad and painful. I want him and he wants me and it can never happen.
2 comments:
keep the faith darlin'. as well as the strenght !
Thanks daddy! I haven't seen him since Saturday and that has definitely been a good thing. I can't wait until he's gone for good!
Post a Comment