the lifted veil

Every day yields a new joy, a new sense of glory to erase the disappointments of the evening prior. It could be the smallest ripple, but it lands in my world in a huge swath, leading to secret smiles on my face. The smallest movement can change my whole world and send me spinning in a new direction and I'm glad for that. I'm happy that I can still be affected and still be open to new things.

Today it was no different, I went home last night with a sour bitter taste and woke to invitations to his world. I found out later that they were not exclusive to me, but it still leaves me with the choice of being a part of something other than myself, a road to travel and at the very least, some way to pass the unendurable time I seem to have acquired.

All I have is a series of moments, held in the wax that was last week, which seems so far away already, and yet, I needed to put some distance between them and me because it would be so easy to make them swirl in the haze of romance, to force them to be something they weren't, to read something into nothing.

What I learned last week is that I'm still not certain there's anything going on, that there's a spark, that we've got what it takes for each other. I could say but this and that, and yet, it could all be under the guise of friendliness.

I was muddled by the night, and dancing, and alcohol, but even with all that I sensed he was a man of worthiness, someone who was above the pettiness of life, an observer, slightly unsure of his place. It makes sense that he feels comfortable behind that table, in his own world, creating the soundtrack for the night. Behind my counter is where I hide and those like me find solace there too.

Our interactions were awkward and uncertain, but there was a moment of complete understanding, where words were unnecessary and I was myself and he was himself. That is the smallest shred of hope I have, that we could have that kind of intimacy that doesn't require words.

Also that he was wanting to become a crow for me, despite the scene, that makes me smile.

What surprised me most was the cd he sought to give me that night; that it contained a diverse and entertaining mix of well crafted pieces that wove themselves together like a story, different from what I'd just heard, or been too busy enjoying to fully savor, so I got to hear every sound of a totally different set from his past in my ears (which kept me company during the dearth of interactions I have on Mondays) and I was massively impressed by his work.

And, lastly, he is the only other person I've met who turns into an anime character when he smiles.

So all there is to do now is wait and see what happens, to follow the path he sets for me. It may not lead anywhere, but at least it's a worthwhile trip.