baha'i temple

enjoying the gardens. very serene.

the magnetic disks

The pull of it is so strong it brought him down from his heights, from his work, from his orbiting out there in the ether to me, to stand near me, to breathe me in, to wallow in my presence. And I felt bad for him, that I've tried so hard to ignore him, that I've bickered with him for the sake of pushing him away, for the pretense that I don't care.

I do care. Of course I do. But I can't. Because one day he'll be gone. And then I'll never see him again. And I can't wait for that day. Even just ten minutes with him and I'm rendered into a paste of unformed clay. He's just too smart, so keen, the epitome of exuberant.

I push him away so that it'll be easier for me, but I never considered that it was hard for him to be around me, to see me, to hear my laughter, to see my smile, to wonder what I've been thinking.

As the days accumulate and the arrival of his departure comes closer, the breath I've been holding in is getting harder to hold and I know the release I'm waiting for will come sooner than it should and maybe, just maybe, there will be a breach in the contract we've crafted. I hope not; for it will all amount to nothing anyway.

hair cut; finally

Went in for a trim and got the $20 makeover.

crackled

It came as a complete surprise. It was supposed to be a nothing. A toss up. A beginning of something else.

I felt it surge through me and tried to lance it, to clamp it down, to keep it bound. And then he felt it too. He let me know with the tips of his fingers, and they travelled over me in a dance and I was delighted to imagine he felt it too. And even more impressed that he was able to express that in such a subtle perfect way.

Mmmm. Palpability is so much easier to digest. It's so gratifying. It reminds me that I've been doing it again, because something feels so much better than the nothing I've been trying to force.

Instant crackle. So so so good.

minor infractions of the space time continuum

Brunching with Luke and Val.

The plans for Luke's fourth grade performance...

hard day's work

Pinky with her mouse!

Brain hears something!

Pinky knows how to pose!

brain avoiding the camera.

the blank eyes

What I remember most about that night were his eyes. They were hollow, empty searchlights with no piercing or discernable direction, it was just two big holes where eyes should have been and his beautiful face in my direction and the collapse of my ability to remain cool.

If I tried to hold his gaze it didn't work and I could not muster a gesture that might convey that I wanted him to come near me and I was paralyzed by the fear that he thought I wanted to talk to someone more than him.

And so, somehow, we managed to make each other nervous enough to become strangers again, just like that, figments of our imaginations, images that didn't stand the test of reality; simply cardboard cutouts.

As I lick my figurative wounds (for on the outside all seemed fine and well) I wonder what to do now, whether to carry on with the building, to forage for yet more timber and bark to fill out this fire.

Or really, to admit that there isn't one at all.

avoiding frosting on the nose

Cupcake sandwiching!

why saturdays rock

Feedback from the book boss.

stenciled

saw this on a bus, went back to take the picture ten hours later.