downtown

Car nerding

One of bobby's toys.

well well well

Somehow, this plan to take over the world with writing has resulted in my completing a story in less than a month. A story that I didn't know I was ready to write, a story that I had no idea where it was going or what it was about, and lastly, a story that I have been wanting to write for about two years.

As I look back on the last month I'm amazed and glad. My writing partner has had a lot to do with it, but at the same time, I've really put a lot of effort into it, and to tell you the truth, I could put in more. I've got a twenty five page story that is now ready to be edited and clarified, but it's actually got a beginning, middle and end. I don't even think I got this kind of results during school.

In the fiction department there's a huge emphasis on new material, new places where something is taking your attention, but with my writing partner, I've been able to go in having a general idea of what direction I want to go in and then I get in the car and drive. I didn't worry about where I was going or what was happening, because somehow she's been able to impart a sense of freedom in me that I didn't have before.

I'm also pleased because I'm finally winding my way through the complex novel Wild Palms by William Faulkner which I've been "reading" for four months now. And by "reading" I mean looking at it on my nightstand and trying to find the mental capacity along with the urge to crack it open.

Here's to doing the work and getting results...

a well chosen one

My love affair with the avocado continues.

the magnolia in the hush of rain

hmm

It's funny what makes you think of some people. Today it was the memory of a guy I dated long ago sparked by a newspaper columnist we both bashfully admitted we truly enjoyed reading, not as an ironic thing, but a genuine pleasure.

He's happily married now and doing well and I'm glad for him. I miss seeing him occaisionally and checking in with him, but maybe it's for the best that I leave him be.

the windy city maki

Tokyo Marina! It's criminal that I don't go there more often. That spicy salmon roll got eaten before I could consider photographing it, because it's so delicious!

on being a weirdo

The dating world has opened my eyes to something I suppose I've always known but never really considered was a problem before. I'm weird. And not just weird, but kind of goofy, strange, awkward, pretty much any synonym of weird you can muster, I would probably nod my head in accordance.

I suppose it's not really a bad thing, and of course it's not a bad thing to me, but it is interesting to try and quantify myself and my life to others. In the last week, I've had two dates with two fairly random men and it was like a social experiment on just how much I was willing to reveal about myself, lest I send them running for the hills.

My weirdo-ness is relatively harmless, and I feel, fairly non-threatening. For the most part I have a set of values that dictates my life in different ways. I live a very minimalistic life in a shoebox of a studio. I'm environmentally conscious to an obnoxious degree. I'm devoted to my family and will answer the phone if my brother calls no matter what's going on. I have a group of friends that are like my version of the Seinfeld gang. We seem to migrate to the same spot every day to check in with each other and we often spend our evenings together without planning to. I have these strange jobs that require me to do what might be considered demeaning things, but I enjoy them. I like to have a good time, be happy and I don't really think about important things like my budget or saving or health insurance.

In the end, despite the weirdo tendencies I have, I feel I could pass for normal. Of course, I'd spend the entire time worried that someone was going to figure me out, and point and scream, "She doesn't belong here!" Still, I'd pass. The more time that went by on my dates, I realized the two men I went out with last week would not pass for normal. And as I look back on my dating life, most of them wouldn't, with a few exceptions of course. I guess I never realized that I was attracted to weirdos because I myself am kind of weird.

Sometimes I suspect that people have figured me out and it makes me uncomfortable, because I don't want to be seen as weird. But as I get older I find that what other people (at least those in the periphery of my life) think of me matters less and less.

the lay of the land

One fire has been put out. The easy one, the flammable one, the one who I actually really liked, he's pulled himself out of my scope, of course in the most polite and well mannered way possible. It is all well and good that nothing really got started between us and no one's feelings were hurt. I am largely disappointed, but I think it is for the best. The good news is that we will still remain on friendly terms. His company is boisterous and engaging, which delights me very much.

As for the other one, things have been lagging a bit. I think primarily it's a matter of both of us being busy and perhaps secondarily, neither of us are certain that there is anything to do about the other. Of course I can't speak for him, but I do know he's neglected to respond to me in kind, and it's quite possible I overwhelmed him into silence. Thankfully, I have been remarkably unhurried about him, and I don't feel any sense of despair.

I think what I learned from the disaster that was eric (and subsequently, any guy I've ever really liked) is that no matter what the circumstances or coincidences or my feelings on the matter, attempting to force a person who isn't ready willing and able into a relationship doesn't work. And realizing that has given me a sense of freedom I've never had before in this area. In fact, I can't even say for sure that I fall into the able to deal with a relationship category or that I'm ready to deal rigors of dating right now.

And yet, I realize that it is time to start the process, because this is a part of my life that is important to me and always has been. Why else would I moon so heavily about each potential whisper of a relationship if I was not hopelessly optimistic and desperately romantic?

I'm noticing this time around that my criteria is still the map I use to determine my next steps and that I'm a lot more realistic about whether or not there is a genuine connection. Even in the case of the easy fire, I could see that things between us might not go very well, but I was willing to negotiate because of his excellent personality and our obvious enjoyment of each other's company. The truth is, his aimless existence troubled me, his excessive drinking and partying was worrisome and our schedules were nearly impossible to line up.

As if that wasn't enough, a couple months ago I joined an online dating service with nary a date to speak of til now. We're due to meet tomorrow. I don't quite know what he looks like and I can't quite tell what sort of personality he's got. We seem to be good at the emailing, but that doesn't always translate into real life. The one thing I do know is that he's excited about me, which is a good start. I don't even want to go through the speculation process. As my friend Annie said to me today, we'll both know the minute we see each other if it's a yes or no. So I'll let that moment speak for itself when it comes.

And so that is what has been occupying my mind for the last week or so, along with the endless parade of work, stories, dishes to wash, laundry to do, etc.

Easter Sunday

Work work work

ashley's bday!

Last night was an unintentional "girl's night out." I tried to invite our guy friends but they fell away until it was three of us girls enjoying each other's company.

It amuses me because I used to believe that I didn't get along with girls and most of my friends were guys. It's interesting that it took me a while to realize I have more girl friends now than guy friends. I don't think I've ever been part of a girl's night before, actually.

It is in large part to my newly crowned best friend Val's credit. She is a pleasure to be around and we genuinely enjoy every facet of each other's personality. We so get each other and there's nothing to do around her than laugh and enjoy the ride.

Imagine three boisterous girls, giddy, intolerably glad to be together and you'd be watching me and my friends at the bar last night. We sang along with the songs we put on the jukebox, we laughed hysterically, we even drank martinis! I don't really care that I was being obnoxious or loud, because it was all in the spirit of enjoying my friends.

tickled pink

Unsolicited messages have stoked my fires.

I am glad for them, that they have responded to me, and that my patience has not been worn so thin that I haven't just walked away, that I could let two days expire and not fret myself into a frenzy, but just let it be.

Hmmm. It's nice to have something to be excited about again.

the doddering electricians

While I waited for the bus this morning, I was enraptured by the antics of two electricians attempting to untangle five colored wires across the lawn of the northeast corner of Millennium Park.

At first, they lazily attempted to untangle the wires from their respective distances, about twenty feet. This only resulted in the wires becoming more tangled and made it look like an imaginary friend was jump-roping.

The next attempt was carefully planned out over their walkie-talkies. There was a lot of pointing and gesturing. This time, the one with the more tangled end tried pulling his wires apart while the man on the other end sat still and waited.

Finally, the two men met in the middle and discussed a more logical solution. The older of the two settled in at the tangled end. The younger man took the reigns (or in this case, the wires) and walked the length of them until the most tangled spot which was somewhere in the middle.

They navigated each wire carefully. The younger man planted his foot on the wires before the tangled point and pulled the red toward him until it came free. Then the blue and white wires, which were wound in a tight spiral, he separated. Finally, the green and yellow fell apart and he was able to resume collecting the wires together in a bunch and handed them off to the older man.

I wished I could have watched them all day. What were the wires meant for? What exactly were they doing with them? Was it all a show? Did they realize I was watching them?

a thoughtful gift...

A giant block of chocolate from Germany. Keks is short for biscuits and Nuss is short for hazelnuts. And, I might add, delicious!

a rare occurrence:

Home brewed!