Showing posts with label social butterfly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social butterfly. Show all posts

Friday, August 21, 2009

seriously, where does the time go?

I look up at the calendar and August is nearly gone. I know I have had days that were chock full, either of work or fun, and I look around the table and their smiling faces bring a smile to my face. It has been a long time since I was able to just succumb to pleasure, to have it waiting and at the ready for me, and to have it be an offering I wanted to partake of, to share, to have.

I worry though, that my fun is taking over, that there's no time for me, that my writing is suffering (I haven't met with my partners in over two months), that I am losing myself in pleasure.

So for the first time in a while, rather than worry that my absences here mean I am spiralling down into darkness, it is a sign that I have been happily soaking up the joy around me.

I miss this, and the thoughts that get emptied out, but one of the benefits of spending time solely with people who bring joy is I have nothing to ruminate over and no puzzlements to work out. And, when those moments do occur (seeing him in the street, getting a text from noel, finding pictures of him with her) they weigh nothing against that joy.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

the way I'll tell the story of the night we met

It was such a lark. I wasn't supposed to be there. I should have been sleeping. And you, you probably weren't planning on being there that night, which was not your usual night, but there you found yourself, a little drunk and happy to be dancing with one of the beautiful girls who sometimes worked behind the bar, probably on those nights that is your regular night, and you smiled at her face in the dark while you danced. You were hoping for something more with her, always hoping, and your pain made you feel a hundred pounds heavier, but you still tried because there was something about her, she just seemed so far away and brilliant and being close to her made you feel like you could catch the moon.
And then she left, like an eclipse, and there I was.
And instead of chasing stars and heavenly bodies, you felt like a mountain being blasted through for a tunnel, and I smashed you.
And I didn't even know. I was alone, trying to pretend I wasn't lonely, but even in that room of people all smiles I was in my head, in my own world, completely out of place and something about that appealed to you in a completely different way than the way she did, and you moved towards me, hoping above all else that I wouldn't drift off.
And we danced.
I'll interject here that my legs hurt for days.
You'll smile at me and say, mine did too, darling.
I wouldn't take any of it back though, I'll counter.
Of course not, then we wouldn't be here, you'll say.
So we danced.
And your body became a figure I was aware of, like walking through a room you know better than any, a bedroom, maybe, in which you could wander through it in the dark and you wouldn't fall, because your body could feel the room, remember the steps to take to avoid the furniture; that's what it was like to be next to you. I had no idea what your face looked like because of the dark, but in the dark your limbs and body were well known to me, as a familiar room in the night would be.
And for some reason, as soon as you engaged in dancing with me, the world fell away. I ceased to be part of the eternal flow of observations, thoughts, endless nuancing, excessive questioning and rampant worrying. I simply existed, without strategic manipulations of myself (the constant adjusting of my physical body is a tic of my thoughts). I was the way that I sometimes am when doing the things I love most. And you were still a stranger at that point.
Time flew by. It's a cliche, the best we can employ, for it really did whoosh around. The other day, well before dusk a flock of birds raced over the dome in the sky; they dived crazily and swooped ominously, and I was with a friend and we tried to figure out what sort of birds they might have been, until we got closer and realized they were bats, and those bats swooping around in a circle, that is what it was like to dance with you. Mesmerizing, I think I will say.
You'll laugh at me then, as the people across from us coo with delight, and your heart will swell a little and maybe you'll add your side of the story, that my face was like a carousel and I spun you around.
I'll continue, that finally, sometime after we began dancing, we arrived at the bar with merely a gesture of complete understanding, no difficulties, no issues, no concerns for disregarding something else, we both wanted a moment to size up our dancing partner's intellect and tastes before carrying on with our dancing.
We introduced ourselves and from my friend's point of view, we stood at the bar together, a mix of two long lost friends and also as two forces pushing wildly against each other. The bar felt us, it found us difficult to look away from, we were colliding and they all wanted to see the collision.
A drink was consumed. We were sweaty, thirsty, unapologetic.
I asked you a question, you asked me a question. We liked the answers. Your face twisted in puzzlement and your finger pointed at me, okay, you said, and I'll chuckle when I tell this, like it is the funniest thing anyone has ever said to me, because at the moment, really it was, and you said the word dealbreaker, in such a way that I understood the context of your meaning immediately and answered, yeah? in such a way that you knew I was ready for the challenge of your coda, that I could take any arrow you plunged in my direction and save it from falling into an empty field. You asked, firefly? in a tentative voice, because it really is a dealbreaker for you, no joke. And my face cracked instantly into a smile, which you say blasted another tunnel into your mountain, and I said, I love firefly!
Oh, then, I'll say, and you'll nod, I tried to make you understand that being a giant (relatively speaking) made us so powerful, and to prove it I held your arm out and we blocked the aisle with our arms outstretched and you grinned at me like we were two kindergartners who were having the best time doing nothing.
After that, we danced some more.
There was nothing left to say. We knew each other already, like two old friends, like two pieces of a shoelace pulled together to begin the lacing. We pressed against each other and knew each other. Collision. Not epic, perhaps, that epic one being so deep it still resonates inside me, like a pulse, but a collision nonetheless.
We danced so close that I could not dance and be that close to you, and our limbs tangled and my feet found yours instead of the floor so many times that I got a little self conscious and the spell was almost broken but you somehow managed to reassure me in a tone genuine enough that I ceased worrying and went back to that complete black abyss of nothing and just existing with pleasure.
The couple across the table might get a little nervous then, sensing the dramatic tone in my voice, seeing you lean in, perhaps you'll nuzzle the crook of my neck, it will make them uncomfortable how very close and delighted and able to share ourselves like this with them, so completely, so easily. This is the kind of behavior most couples reserve for their bedroom, they might think nervously, her twisting her napkin around her knuckles under the table top and him squeezing his wife's knee in the hopes that she is paying attention to how to treat him, how all men want to be treated, really how every one wants to be treated.
As if he/they/she/it/them are the center of the universe and nothing else exists.
we pretend this is false and unrealistic and unfair and yet we secretly crave that level of being known so completely that we are the only thing that exists for them, worth hearing every word, seeing every gesture, being in a sixth dimensional correspondence with.
I'll say, remember how we danced?
And you, hanging on my every word, delighted that I still remember, pleased that I smile and not just any smile, but a wicked one, the one where my eyes narrow and my lips pucker slightly, and you'll say, Yes, I remember, with the breath falling out of your mouth on the last syllable.
And somehow, even though it seems impossible, I will also be feeling that I am the only eyes in your universe, that I exist solely to languish in your presence, like a project, like an enjoyable venture, like a cross section of the most fascinating creature ever to be discovered, you will feel relished and enjoyed.
Then my friend broke the spell, he stepped in and time resumed, the clock wound itself backwards then forward to the present, reality reeled itself into focus, the room turned into a solid mass, where everyone had disappeared from, where the only people left were us, my friend, and the people paid to be there, it seemed the party I was part of managed to leave without my noticing. Ten people I'd interacted with that night became ghosts and slithered away while we danced, which is impossible to consider that I did not take any notice of their exit.
The couple will relax a little then, their shoulders will melt, their faces will slacken and a sense of relief will come over their faces, relief they didn't know they were waiting for, the tension over, the panic subsiding. You'll attest to the fact that I think incessantly, even though you try hard to create silence for me and many times have, it is hard, I am a tough case of overworking brain, or as David Caref (who has become an old man already, even though he is just a year older than me and I was shocked, just absolutely surprised to see that he is unrecognizable as the Adonis he once was, when I was in love with him and he was my moon and I was compelled by him and I managed to get him close up and I felt like I had the moon in my hand) said once, but not in the appreciative manner you'll do, "you think too much (which somehow struck through me like a sword even then, when I was sixteen and he was my everything, I knew it was wrong for him to say that, that it was wrong for him to declare that in that tone)."
And then you took my number, and again, it wasn't hard, not the way anything else with a girl has been hard, and that will be the reason it takes you a while, the reason it took me a while, for the ease to sink in, to bubble to the surface as a bubble of air will sometimes do, it mounds the water and takes on the light for a second before it pops into obscurity, with a splatter of the water across its surface and a motion that looks to the eye like the snapping of a twig.
And that, we'll declare, is the story of the night we met.



























Wednesday, July 29, 2009

home run

I felt the shyness bubble up inside me and then let it burst and asked her some questions and we started talking and it was like we've known each other for a long time already and it confirmed what I have discovered and begun to realize that there's just a certain kind of person who is my type, the genuine, kind, lively, warm and fuzzy person (even though I wouldn't necessarily count myself among their ranks) and she was for me.

There are lots of people who are not for me. But her, with her wild mane of curly hair, which I demanded a detailed description of her regimen from start to finish, she is for me. We had such a quick and easy connection that I was already inviting myself into her world and she was tickled by the invitation. We exchanged promises of Barbeques, margaritas, and art gallery visits.

She had a big deep throaty laugh. She is a smart person. And she likes to read. And she was worried about my wandering off during the movie. I assured her that I was just uncomfortable, as I put it, "I'm a giant person with big limbs and I can't be contained in one small tiny area...!" It's been rare that I meet someone I feel an instant connection with, but lately it makes me happy that it is maybe not as rare as it used to be.

I seem to be going through a new cycle of friendships, where a lot of the friends I've had for the last three years I've outgrown. They were all very good friends and I love them still, but it's obvious and apparent to me that I just need something different in my life than what we had. I've noticed that a lot of the newer friends in my life are people who want to do something, be active, walk around, go somewhere, and that is the opposite of the crowd I've been in for the last three years, good great people who are perfectly happy to pass hours upon hours at a table in a bar talking about nothing (not that there's anything wrong with that).

I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that it's summertime and I just feel this inexplicable urge to go outside, to feel the sun on my skin, to partake in the glories of summer in ways I've never wanted to or cared to before. For instance, on Sunday night I went to Ravinia for the first time with a good friend from school who I don't see often. I received a Ravinia gift certificate as a birthday present three years ago that I never used until Sunday. I wanted to use it, I asked my friends (in my close circle) and they seemed open to it, but we just never got away from that table and that talk about nothing long enough to actually go.

With the park next door to my new apartment being so accessible, I went out yesterday and sat on a bench and read a book and rolled up my sleeves and pant legs so that the sun could hit the pale parts of my skin and I used to laugh at those people and now I am one of them.

And tonight, in a big crowd of people so big it made me hate that I live in a city, I was moody, achy, disinterested and she wiped that all away and made the night worthwhile because she's for me.

Monday, June 15, 2009

indeed

I want it all to be nothing, I can feel the ground under me trembling, I keep on trying not to admit it. I can pretend, it's easy, I am getting better at pretending, but there it was again, that palpability, that crackle.

His eyes sought me out, and in them I could see his joy, his gladness, his pleasure at my company and instead of reflecting that back, I looked away, looked down, hid my joy.

I don't want it all to be nothing, so I will fervently pretend it is until there's no more room for denials. Thankfully we are light years apart; the fabric of time has a firm grip on each of us and it is difficult to shake loose. It will take a long time to find each other in the same room again, and then I fear I won't be able to resist him.

His hands couldn't stay away from me, those fingertips that had produced such beautiful music were trying to coax vibrations from mine and where there have been walls was just air, he is one of the rare men that propel the best of me into the light; I was witty and beautiful, smart and graceful, radiant and delightful. And even though the timer had long gone off ("He finishes his set at 10, I'll say hello, chit chat and leave by 10:30," I insisted to Walter); I was snared in his orbit and didn't want to leave it anyway.

So I stayed.

And I let myself believe that maybe the crackle, the vibrations, the magic he waved in front of me might be real.

And then I woke up and remembered that there is nothing that anyone can do to please me. Especially them. So it is with great relish that I thrashed through the night with a machete and tore up the love letters we will never write and deposited that dream back into the deepest recesses of my brain.

It's not time yet.

Monday, June 1, 2009

exploring solitude

When I went to see the band play, there was only me. I travelled there in solitude, my ears plugged up by my own music, the bus bright and garish. I arrived to a series of familiar faces (the ghost from long ago was among them) but I settled into a spot toward the front of the stage so that I could enjoy the music without being distracted by anyone else. I casually sipped my beer and wondered if it would be odd if I put my earphones back in when, not five minutes of my being alone, a guy came over and clinked beer cans with me.

We had a great time, another interesting thing to note, that I could have a great time with a stranger and never know his name. We danced, we sang along to the lyrics, we pummeled the arms of those hipsters around us who purported to be too cool to dance by standing steady and nodding their heads to the drum beat. We sweated, we laughed, we twirled and when the band was done, he left and I stayed behind to get another beer. I had no buoy waiting for me other than the bar and a can of beer, and I comfortably headed there with no qualms; no worries of what I might look like alone.

And as I look back at the stretch of days and months of my single-dom, I realize that I've become comfortable with myself. I no longer need a life raft, an oasis, a set of ears and eyes to meet, a pair of hands to hold, which I have always desperately clung to, which is probably why I held on to him so long. I drowned and now I am free to swim alone.

It was the same at the party this weekend, where I knew I might not know anyone, seeing the singer last week, meeting a friend of a friend. Before, I might have not done these things out of deference to my own insecurities, the fear that I would have no one to talk to, the worry that I might look out of place. The last two weeks I did them all without any security blankets, no one at my side, and no concerns. I suppose it is the living alone that has helped this develop. Also, the getting older. The being comfortable with myself. The knowing who I am.

Interestingly enough, the universe has conspired to deliver me roommates, a home more suitable to me and the challenge of finding new ways to enjoy my solitude. I suspect this will be a good move for me in many ways, but it will also be wonderful to have a new pair of people to spend a moment or two with in passing.